Turning 40… the blackhole

Looking back over the past almost 40 years I often ask myself, what did I do with life, where has the time gone? What happened to all the big dreams I had when I was a child? I had big lists like what I would accomplish before turning 40. I admit it, I have done none of those things. I never put my toes in every ocean, never jumped out of a plane, nor did I write a novel. Does that mean I wasted my life? Did I let myself be sucked into a blackhole? No!

What I accomplished is far more special to me than that. 40 things I have accomplished, brought me joy  or taught me life lessons before turning 40.

1. I have 4 healthy well adjusted daughters.

2. I have been a good friend (not perfect, but good).

3. I have watched the sunrise.

4. I have also watched the sunset.

5. I have swam in creeks, rivers, lakes and oceans and didn’t care if my hair got wet.

6. I have laughed so hard I have cried.

7. I have cried so much I laughed.

8. I have gone to skating rinks so early it seemed to be a crime so I could watch my daughters play hockey or figure skate. I cried tears of pride everytime.

9. I got to hang laundry on the line with my Grandmother and have her chase me through the wet linens hanging.

10. My Grandmother also taught me how to make homemade bread, how to knead and punch the dough and learn the right elasticity of the dough.

11. I jumped on trampolines watching the night’s sky with my daughters and counted falling stars.

12. I was read letters from the war by my other Grandmother.

13. She (Grandma) came to every bowling practice, and tournament and we always had the same snack everytime mexican chili chips and coffee crisp bars. Everytime she would ask how do I like my coffee…the answer was always crisp.

14. Grandma told me to pull up my socks while playing cards…I hardly wore socks so was very confused by this till later years.

15. Christmas concerts for my children, fancy dresses and even fancier hair that wouldn’t hold up to the concert.

16. Being there for every first word my children every spoke. 

17. Car rides and adventures of plenty even if it was just down the dirt road.

18. Walking barefoot on the hot sand uttering curse words cause my feet were on fire.

19. Beachcombing for beach glass, every find was like winning the lotto.

20. Amazing books that I have read where I couldn’t put the book down for a day so the whole world seemed to be paused.

21. Pizza nights with friends and family, even better I never had to do the dishes.

22. My Mom showing me every lily variety known to mankind in her garden and the pride she has for them.

23. My Dad for not killing me when I came back home with barbed wire wrapped around the ski of the skidoo. And learning the dangers of why not to do that. Common sense once eluded me. So living through moments like that was an accomplishment.

24. Skating on the river.

25. Sleeping in tents with my girls, and all the laughter that went along with it.

26. For everyone whom ever had to trudge through a cemetary with me and never questioned why, just went with the flow.

27. Ice skating on the river.

28. Fishing.

29. Geocaching…never too old for a treasure hunt.

30. Magic in my heart. Never afraid to keep on dreaming no matter how many roadblocks.

31. My brother and our sushi/ walking dead nights.

32. Phonecalls in the middle of the night talking about the meaning of life.

33. Building sand castles.

34. Taking photographs.

35. Snowflakes falling upon my cheeks.

36. Planting a seed and watching it grow then eating the fruits of your labour.

37. Having my heartbroken and falling in love again.

38. Breakfast in bed on Mother’s Day.

39. Witnessing a miracle. When my daughters life was saved.

40. Being Happy!

Life I have learned is not about the size of your pay cheque, your home, your car, or even your relationship status. Life is about those small moments, I won’t be remembered for 40 extraordinary things but perhaps 1 or 2 ordinary ones. My list of accomplishments and joys are endless. Everyday something else is added to this list. Turning 40 is not a blackhole. It’s a gift. Thank you for being apart of it.

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