To my Daughter’s Father

Today our daughter turns 19. Seems like only yesterday we found out I was pregnant. I was so scared, I had nothing to offer, my life was a mess. I was just a child myself, as were you. 

I want you to know I never blamed you for leaving. I was never angry only hurt, I was heartbroken for our baby who was growing inside me. I wasn’t shocked when you left I think I had been waiting for it. We had already gone through so much together, too much for our tender age.

 I was no cake walk how you stayed as long as you did amazed me. Loving me was next to impossible, and you tried, you tried so hard. People assumed you left because I was pregnant, truth is I had done so many things. You shouldn’t have had to be in a position to forgive or even try to forget. I am sorry that I made love out to be so painful, hard and at times devastating.

I have 19 years of regrets, I am sorry I asked you to sign the papers that signed your daughter away. I thought it was the right thing to do for all of us, but I should have never played God. I shouldn’t have assumed you were just going to stay away or even wanted too! Those papers were a double edged sword, on one hand I knew she would always be with me which brought so much joy but on the other hand I never fathomed the impact of not having you would cause her such a void.  How many tears would fall? How many unanswered questions? 

Thank you for giving me our daughter. Thank you for walking away and for allowing me the freedom to find a man who not only loved me but loved her. He loved her like his own and took so much pride in our little girl.  Even till this day she’s got him wrapped around her finger just like she did when she was 2 years old with her golden curls.  Those curls she got from you along with those piercing blue eyes. 

I have watched other people in similar situations verbally destroy the fathers that have left. I never have and never will. I have no malice or ill will towards you. I have gratitude. We created a miracle together. If it wasn’t for you she wouldnt be here. How can I be anything but grateful. Your life choices are not for me to judge. However I do believe you love her and want the best for her.

When she was 16 she finally met you, she had been so curious and finally the day had come. Unlike me she will never remember the moment she met me. It is special she will always remember the day you first stood face to face and she could see almost a mirrored image of herself within you. Her puzzle finally fit together, because you were that missing piece. You missed out on the early years but you came back just in time for teenage drama. Lucky you!
I hope you two can mend the broken fences of your relationship, move forward, create memories and embrace this second chance you both have been given. It won’t be easy the high road never is, but with determination and love you have a great foundation. Don’t let this oppurtunity pass you by. For where there is love there is always hope. 

People will ask me why would I want this for her. The answer is quite simple, would you want your child to have a void in their heart? 

This is my advice make the rest of your story with our daughter the best of your story. Don’t dwell in your mistakes, don’t let guilt or pride get in the way. Nothing that has been done can’t be mended. Love has a great capacity for healing. I only want what is best for her and she is at any age now where she must decide. She won’t make it easy, trust me, she is stubborn but she is worth it.

Thank you from the depths of my soul, for being the other half of her genetic make up. You gave the gift of life which has brough others so much joy. Being her Mother has been a surreal experience and for that I want to thank you.


  1. A emotional but balanced letter….every word reflects the care…you have ushered on your daughter….and want to further fulfil her aspirations….everything is pointing towards the well being and wholeness of the dreams of your daughter….tearful…but loving….

    Liked by 1 person

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